10 Year Lolita Anniversary

Wow. Just… wow. It feels so bizarre, a number so detached from the lived experience, yet somehow it’s true. Tomorrow will be exactly ten years since I bought my first lolita dress, completely unknowingly starting a whole journey that landed me here. One that I did not anticipate - my life would’ve looked so different if that purchase stayed as just a cute Japanese version of rockabilly and pinup clothing, without venturing further into lolita fashion. But it did venture there, eventually. And now we’re here. Wow…

I actually made a post for my 5th anniversary on this very blog, which I re-read and… well, let’s be honest, I cringed a little. Boy, was I still so very green five years ago! I tried, the intentions were good, but the pieces available to me at the time and the solid understanding not quite so much. If this post followed the same format, it would’ve been very different, with vastly different coordinates and items. But there’s also not that much fun in doing it all completely the same again, plus ten years is a more significant anniversary to celebrate! Had this been a wedding anniversary, the 5th one would’ve been wood, while the 10th one is tin. But we’re not going to do coords inspired by tin either.

Instead I’d like to reflect a little bit more on the journey that I’ve made. Some of the changes on it would’ve probably happened anyway and lolita fashion simply coexisted with my personal growth. Others lolita fashion was an integral part of, shaping the person that I am now. I do sometimes wonder where would all my money go had I never gotten into lolita and while I’d probably spend it on travels and vintage fashions, the question still somehow has me stumped. I’ve already talked on this blog how particularly over the course of last year lolita became a measure of my mental health, an indicator when something might be wrong or where some of my needs are not addressed properly.

Fun fact: both of those selfies were taken on the same day, the right one after the left. I realised that I hardly ever took selfies or photos unless I was dressing up, that I started to internalise that only outfits where I put the effort in deserved photos, which isn't good. Just because I don't put on makeup or extravagant clothes doesn't mean that I have to have a bad mental health day - so why not celebrate that regardless of whether I dress up? That's something I'd like to work on over the coming years.

Ultimately, as cheesy as this sounds, I think the last ten years have been a road of ‘ita to lolita’ both in terms of the fashion itself and me growing to be comfortable in my own skin. The Paulina that bought that first JSK from Bodyline was a first year university student, in Japan for the very first time, terrified that her language skills weren’t up to par and she had to somehow manage despite that. She’s only just started to come out of her shell again after bullying at school made her insecure, timid, and made her hide her weirdness from all but those online. She was discovering her femininity and embracing her more alternative side, having finally escaped the shadow of labels that we live with as teens at school. This one dress from Bodyline wasn’t quite the first step in reclaiming being herself, but it certainly represented one of the first ones on the way to showing her inner weirdo as it was at that time.

What’s funny in this is how much can get lost in time and in our memory. For quite some time now I’ve been particular about checking all of the memories that crop up on apps like Facebook and Google Photos - but mostly Facebook as that has some of the older stuff. Wearing lolita outside is an obvious big step in anyone’s journey in this fashion, as we’re so acutely aware of how much it stands out from the crowd. Yet over time I forgot how often in the past I was more colourful than the average person on the street anyway. I revisited photos of outfits that I forgot I wore because I wasn’t conscious back then about documenting my clothing, so they mostly got captured on random snaps. Usually when something was happening anyway, so things like summer holidays and trips. Which goes to show that what I wore then, whilst different from the mainstream, could still be somehow labelled by the mainstream, which made it easier  easy to forget that my clothes nonetheless stood out against the metaphorical sea of jeans and T-shirts (which, granted, I still wore, they just didn’t get captured much).

Have a selection of my less normie normie outfits from 2006 (top left corner) to 2014 (bottom right).
Coincidentally, the top row is all pre-first lolita purchase, while bottom row is all after.
Certainly up until the last two photos, I was convinced that I dressed pretty normally, with maybe some personal style quirk. But looking back at that now, I can see that my idea of 'dressing normally' was still a little bit removed from the actual mainstream, even for their respective times.

Looking at those old photos made me realise that as much as they were reflecting who I was at those times in my life, they were also steps that enabled the seed of lolita fashion to grow into a style that I very much feel is my own and that I feel comfortable in. For all the worries that occasionally invade my head: will I be taken seriously if I look like this, should I make a bit more effort to get something that stands out a little less, how can I navigate the world as an individual if most of the world is preoccupied with objectifying me for my clothes before considering me as a person - they don’t go anywhere further. That’s because the comfort and the feeling of being in my own skin when I wear lolita far outweigh those anxieties. It sounds daft to say this at the age of 29, but I do feel that becoming that ‘weirdly dressed old lady’ early has been freeing. Those women have figured out that your personal comfort and happiness are key to enjoying life so that I don’t have to wait with enjoying mine until society grants me a pass when I cross some arbitrary age barrier.

So here I am, ten eventful years later, still owning that very first JSK. During that decade I’ve gone through two partners, two graduations, three jobs, six house moves, and several identity crises. My lolita wardrobe grew from being that occasional fancy wear to regularly worn clothing unrestricted by occasion. Whilst I can’t necessarily point to a singular thing to definitively say “That’s my style”, I’m comfortable in knowing that it continues to evolve and glad that lolita has been a constant in that development. The people that I’ve met through it, locally and globally, have become more than acquaintances or ‘club-mates’. For a long time I knew that I could go anywhere and wouldn’t end up alone thanks to this fashion, but to realise how many of these people actually have my back, are willing to offer support and literally say “We got this for you, just tell us what you need” brings tears to my eyes. It’s overwhelming to realise how this one thing that are clothes designed to look in a particular way can get people to band together like this, making them prove that ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’, when ‘normal’ relationships can sometimes take years to get to that stage.

It can be super hard over the pandemic to truly feel the community around you, yet in an odd way, it seems like I've connected to mine more. I met lots of new people and made plenty of new meaningful connections. Whilst I would've rather not go through some of the rough spots, they made me realise how blessed I am to have met folks I can truly count on. And in a circle of 'what goes around comes around', I do genuinely want to project back twice the kindness that I've received. I'm getting all gushy and mushy, but it's all from the heart.
Photo from Haenuli's Facebook page from Wicked and Whimsy tea party in August 2016.

The last ten years have been a time of great learning and personal growth. No doubts the next ten will continue to expand my horizons and I look forward to that. The key difference is that now I am much more sure of myself, much more comfortable in my skin, and much more confident as an individual, so I can take life in its stride better than I could at the age of 19. If you are a 19-year-old lolita reading this right now, maybe one who has also been struggling with coming out of your shell, I hope that my words bring you some comfort and ease the pressure to have it all figured out right now. Because you don’t. Take your time, reflect on your experiences and learn from them, find people whom you can trust, and all will be well.

Thank you to everyone who stuck with me, both to the end of this post and in any sort of capacity over the years. Your presence means the world to me and may we one day share a cup of tea once the world is safe again for frivolities like this.

And because a 10th anniversary really should be celebrated with some bang: a bonus in the form of a video! The next Around Your Wardrobe in 30 Coordinates prompt is ‘Using the thing you bought first that you still own’ - very fitting for this occasion. So whilst you’ll have to wait one more week for the proper post, I have recorded a video where I put that coordinate together and explain my thinking process as I coordinate. After all, this is my very first JSK! The video will go public tomorrow, on the actual anniversary day, but you, my loyal readers, get a sneaky early access now. Because you’re worth it!