Lolita curses for Halloween

For the most part Halloween is about dressing up and decorating, and the sweets, and the fun things. But it is still a holiday celebrating the spooky and the witchy – and sometimes you just gotta hex a person, you know? For the lolitas who really have a grudge against someone and feel that the only way to resolve that conflict would be through cursing the other person, here are a few hexes to try.

Disclaimer: The author of this post does not endorse hexing as the only solution and urges civilised mediation in the first instance.

Photo from Pexels.com

May your parasol flip inside out

Most people don’t realise that parasols from the Japanese lolita fashion brands are both sun- and rainproof. And to their credit, they are built very sturdy. So imagine the shock on someone’s face if they get caught in a battle with wind and the wind wins, claiming a parasol as their war trophy. The downside of this hex is that it is so unheard of for parasols to do this that you risk the cursed person immediately going through their list of enemies and the people they’ve wronged, so they may identify it as you. Still, what a grandiose way to hex a lolita!

If you've ever actually had a brand parasol flip inside out on you, consider that maybe you have been cursed.
Photo by Mattias Karlsson on Flickr.com.

May you get outbid on your dream dress every time you try

You must truly hate someone’s guts to wish them a fate as gruesome as this – but it’s not my place to question the kinds of relationships you have. To torture someone with the perpetual rollercoaster of joy at the sight of their dream dress, followed by despair every single time they lose the auction at the last minute is some long-term torture of the most horrific variety. Side effects may also include leading that person into financial ruin if they are the type to console themselves with impulse purchases every time this happens, so proceed with caution and do not use this lightly!

The image of this happening at a real-life auction and having the gavel cement the loss might make it all the sweeter for you.
Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com.

May you get a massive snag right at the front of your dress

Some people prefer to go with the stain option and it is a milder alternative to this. However, most stains can be washed out. Once a snag happens to a dress, and gods have mercy if it’s a dark printed lightweight fabric – there is nothing that can be done to fix that. One can only hope to hide it with some layering or attempt a more thorough alteration such as covering the snag with embroidery. It is a relatively good one-off hex to take some edge of your feelings and one that remains relatively safe for the person it is placed upon, but do not abuse it or your dark powers will be discovered.

You've seen it, that long white line running down the middle of a black printed dress... The horror!
Photo from iStockPhoto.comiStockPhoto.com

May you always run an hour late to the meetup

This particular hex has the added benefit that if this person happens to be in your comm, you are giving yourself an hour free of their presence every single time. Inconveniencing an enemy AND not having to see them? That’s a double win. Chances of them finding out it was you who cursed them are also pretty low since delays happen all the time: public transport, car traffic, outfit just not working out on the morning of, you name it. That person will simply be branded as always late and will carry on missing out on some of the fun stuff, especially those which require people being prompt (e.g. those Kamikaze Girls cinema screening meets).

Always late for a very important date. The Alice in Wonderland aesthetic is a bit too real here.

May your pinks/blacks/browns never match

Last but not least – and oldie yet goldie! It’s a classic for a reason. No-one will actually be able to tell whether you have put this curse on them or whether the lolita fashion gods are just finicky with colours. And if you’ve yet to experience that, I can assure you that a strongly cool-toned brown directly next to a strongly warm-toned brown is rarely a good look. Of course, an experienced lolita will likely find a way around this hex. But if the one who wronged you has to dye every single black thing they buy black just to try to achieve the same tone, it will be enough of an inconvenience on them to reconsider some life choices (and the process can be time consuming enough to also re-evaluate the words they said to you in anger).

It's the perfect crime, even AP don't know what they're doing, mwahaha!
Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels.com.

This is by no means an extensive list of lolita hexes. Once again, I would like to urge you all to seek peaceful means of conflict resolution first instead and keep this pretty heavy ammo for when it is really deserved. Moreover, whilst worse hexes exist, as a petty bish I believe that long-term inconvenience is much better revenge than one big swift act. If they’ve truly vexed you that much, why would you want them to deal with just one event that was over in an instant and has little to no repercussions afterwards?

Anyway, have a safe and fun Halloween season and, well, happy hexing!