Missing Out on Lolita

Buying Lolita can often feel like a race against time, be it during a new release that may sell out in minutes or when buying second hand and trying to be faster than others with placing that bid or sending that message. Sometimes it works, but unfortunately a lot of the times we end up unsuccessful.

This weekend just gone was quite unlucky for me in that I missed out not on one, but on two dresses which I quite wanted. One I totally did not expect to be gone this quickly, I must’ve missed out by no more than an hour or so, but the other I knew I had very slim chances of getting since it was a popular print for a very low price and it was listed on Fril – the time difference alone in communicating with any shopping service put me at a disadvantage.

In times like these it can be extremely tempting and easy to try to comfort yourself with a bit of retail therapy and shop your disappointments away. However, that is a dangerous path that leads to impulse buying and spending money you really should’ve kept or purchasing items which you really don’t need. It’s difficult to resist that temptation, so let me share with you how I dealt with the impulse to comfort myself by buying other Lolita things.

1. Stay away from other Lolita sales

You may be thinking to yourself that this dress you missed out on will be listed somewhere else and set out to look for it. But by doing that you put yourself in a vulnerable position, open to other temptations which you may not predict – after all, you never expected to spot that ¥4000 dress, which is very much within your budget and so cute, even if you never thought you’d want it. Or a different dream dress you forgot about for a while – even if it is kind of overpriced and not in your first choice of colour or cut. You may like them in that moment, but will you still enjoy them as much in a day or two? Stay away from other temptations for a few hours or even days, until you’re sure that you’re over the disappointment of not getting that piece which slipped away – then your mind will be clear enough to make other shopping decisions. Avoiding unboxing videos on YouTube may be a good idea too, you won’t have any unexpected envy of people enjoying getting things in the post.

2. Plan something

It can be anything: a coord for an upcoming or theoretical event; a meet that you will or would like to host; your next birthday party; a trip somewhere nice; that story that you always wanted to write… Literally anything will do, although anything Lolita-related may feel that little bit more helpful. This will make you focus on what you already have (especially true with planning coords) and the things you can make, making you feel like you’re in control again. Part of our disappointment about missing out on purchases comes from things that we couldn’t control, like someone else seeing that listing and messaging before we could – by planning something, you regain the feeling of being in control over things that happen in your life and soon enough you’ll be able to tell yourself that you’ll get that dress next time.

3. Have some “me” time

Instead of focusing on possessions and thinking that it’s things that make you happy, take a little time out for yourself when you’re not focused on getting more things. Do your nails, lie down with a facemask on, have a relaxing bath, listen to your favourite song on your headphones, light a fragranced candle, doodle for a bit – do whatever makes you happy that is all about you enjoying that moment. It’s ok to be disappointed and sad that you didn’t get something you really wanted, but your world and wellbeing rest on so many more things than just this, so cheer yourself up by dedicating a little time just to yourself. This should hopefully provide a little perspective on what really matters, thus saving yourself from attempting to cure your disappointment through impulse buying.

4. Distract yourself

An almost universal solution for any negative emotions, a little escapism has always been helping us cope with things that didn’t go quite as we wanted them to. Again, the choice of escapism medium is entirely up to you: books, films, TV, games, magazines, socialising, whatever is the quickest way for you to forget about something. Although again, maybe wait a bit longer before putting on those Lolita unboxing and haul videos on YouTube – the point is to stop thinking about buying things completely, not to keep sighing over other people getting the stuff they wanted whilst you missed out.

5. Talk to someone

A fellow Lolita will understand your feelings best as they very likely went through the same thing at some point, but anyone you trust and who knows that Lolita fashion is something you love will be able to offer some comfort and understanding. You can post something on your comm’s Facebook group to share your stories of missing out on things or phone your best friend, who will quickly get the conversation onto something else. An understanding parent or partner will do the same for you. All those close to you care about your happiness, so they will make sure to sympathise in that situation and will do what they can to help alleviate it at least a little.

6. Buy things – for other people

Finally, if you still can’t scratch that itchy wallet and absolutely have to buy something, I suggest focusing on presents for your close ones. With Christmas lurking around the corner, now is a great time to spread your Christmas spending a little and get that present for your mum/friend/partner sorted. The point of presents is to make others happy and I’m sure that browsing through and thinking about what that other person might love, what could bring a smile to their face, will distract you from your own worries. It may not be the best time to look for Secret Santa presents for your comm’s Christmas meet, although I leave that judgement up to you – only you know how strong your will is and whether you really would be able to resist the temptation of getting something for yourself.

I have actually employed every single one of these tactics over the weekend, with the results being pretty fast and solid. It also meant that I got a little kick of productivity, since I got my Dad’s Christmas present sorted and have completed some games for the meet that I’m organising this coming weekend – and being productive makes me feel good about myself, pushing any disappointments away.

How do you cope with missing out on purchases you really wanted? Is there anything that I should add to this list? Let me know in the comments, please, and I hope that you don’t/won’t have to employ these too often.