Keep Calm and Carry On

Interestingly (though maybe not), I’ve found myself in or witnessing a discussion on effectively burnout with lolita fashion in a few different groups now. Some have called it ‘lack of inspiration’, others phrased it as ‘lolita doesn’t feel fun for me anymore’, but the end result of people feeling uninspired and unmotivated with the fashion is the same. And although I understand these sentiments, even relate to them on some level, I find myself relatively unaffected by those. I’ve adopted a similar mindset as I have with my fiction writing where I don’t accept such a thing as a ‘writer’s block’ – if I persist and carry on writing, then the writing will happen. Doing the same with lolita, dressing up even if I don’t always feel like the coord is that good, has had a similarly positive effect on my creativity.

Or has it?

Picture by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels.com.

There is a touch of sadness in the “the horrors persist, but so do I” sentiment. It’s great that we persist — but we shouldn’t have to. The world is all flavours of messed up right now. That fact is as inescapable as the news and no matter how hard we may try to reach for that sweet escapism, the knowledge that we’re still escaping something remains at the back of our minds. Being creative takes energy, which is why so many adults are worn out by full-time jobs and household responsibilities. And even your rules textbook following lolitas need that creative energy in order to put together a coord, to even feel like putting one together. When all of their energy gets sucked up by basic survival and trying to avoid the existential dread, of course that people aren’t feeling like there’s any left for frilly fashion. The number of times recently when I too made that choice, prioritised comfort because I did not have the physical resources to deal with thinking up an outfit and then wearing it, are proof enough that those who are experiencing it worse are very valid in that.

But then we shrink things down to a smaller scale and I too seem to have fallen victim to some of that apathy, even if it manifests itself differently. There have been quite a few outfits recently that I didn’t like. I’ve talked about defending bad coords before, arguing that they are just as important as the good ones, and I stand by that. It’s possible to acknowledge that bad coords are important for growth and still not like the specific example. As I progressively sell more of my wardrobe, I find that whilst I am getting happier with what I own, this doesn’t immediately translate to some magic burst of inspiration or creativity for wearing things. And as anyone who’s actively and visibly online in creative spaces like EGL social media will know, it takes conscious work to overcome the dread of “having to” post stuff. I know that I don’t have to and I know that I decide what gets shared. That doesn’t shut up the monkey brain demanding the positive hormonal responses associated with meeting arbitrary targets (post something every day on Instagram) or getting the validation for it (likes, reactions, and comments). 

Over the course of this year I’ve stepped back from meetups. Not just organising, as per my own goal for 2025, but attending too. Most of that is circumstantial, as my nearest comm is also low on people willing to host meetups compared to some other ones, and I don’t blame people for prioritising their energy elsewhere. Some of that is cost: having moved now means that a casual meetup just to grab some food or drink is often not worth the return travel price or a 6am wakeup to make it to a 12 noon start time. But I still miss meetups. The community spirit at those is like nothing else and as great as smaller, private gatherings with friends are, sometimes those are even more of a faff to organise as now it’s a matter of matching schedules instead of just throwing down a date/time/place and seeing who turns up. The motivation to dress up simply feels different with an external factor like someone else doing the work and you only needing to turn up on time. Is this a strong enough pull to make me break my 2025 goal? No, I don’t think so. I’m getting by with the early planning stages of the annual Christmas lunch. Because ultimately, it’s quality over quantity.

If anything, whilst the motivations can run low and we go through the natural fluctuations with whatever hobbies/special interests we have (all perfectly normal stuff that happens to everyone), it brings something else into perspective: that these are. just. clothes. Keep wearing them, even if you’re not wowed by everything and miss more often than you hit, and you’ll keep that creative muscle in shape for when the mood lifts enough for your creativity to flourish or for the occasion to demand something more. Keep at it, even if only a little bit here or there, ride that low out, and when things start moving back to a high, you’ll be ready for whenever the missing piece clicks back into place. Once you achieve that mindset, then does it matter if you’re not wearing a petticoat to sit at home and stuff your face with crisps? What’s the big deal in pulling out a cutsew to wear with your jeans? And who will tell you off for skipping every single accessory and even brushing your hair if all you want is the comfort of that cutsew sack OP that may as well be pyjamas? They’re just clothes and they’re your clothes. You’re not obliged to wear them in any particular way. You’re not even obliged to wear them at all if you don’t want to right now.

What you are obliged to do is to drop the guilt about all of that. If times are tough, for you or for the whole world, then sure, your “persisting” and continuous joyful self-expression may lift others up, as well as yourself. But if it’s tiring you out and you decide that “persisting” can wait, then it can wait. Your interest in this fashion and its world is no less valid for it. You should simply keep calm and carry on doing whatever helps in the moment. The fun and energy for the fashion will return when the time is right.