Reviewing My No Buy Rules

Since September I have had a very thorough set of no buy rules, which I explained in some detail here. The plan was to stick with them until the end of the year and then review - which falls for now. If you’re going to make bets on how I did, then place them now and verify at the end of the post.

What Went Well?

Tracking all purchases. My memory is not what it used to be and relying on just keeping the emails until something arrives and is confirmed to be fine wasn’t efficient. Keeping a log of everything I bought, with the details of when, for how much, when it was posted etc. did me a lot of good and I probably should’ve started doing that sooner.

Splitting spending pots. Having several different pots of funds for the various kinds of spending that I do generally worked really well. Not perfectly, sometimes things were a bit of a faff to transfer back and forth, but overall it kept me in check. Especially the non-lolita fund as it seriously limited how much I’d just buy whilst out in town with a “treat yourself” attitude. The lolita PayPal pot has been going for a while now, so I was already mostly used to it, though it still sometimes required a reminder that my non-lolita clothing purchases should also be made with money from that pot.

Knowing what I actually want from my style. Although this is still somewhat of a work in progress, given that the classic side of my wardrobe spans several different (even if somewhat overlapping) themes, it became much easier to keep my spending mindful with a definitive guide to what I wanted from my wardrobe overall. This was probably the biggest factor that reinforced all the other good habits I already had (a detailed and specific wishlist, a mandatory waiting period, a separate money pot etc.).

What Could’ve Gone Better?

The flow charts. They’re fantastic in theory and whilst they didn’t come out of nowhere (as in they’re based on the sort of internal monologue I’d have with myself anyway), I rarely referred to them directly. I didn’t need to formalise my decision making process to that extent. As such, the flow charts will live in my archive as something that I may occasionally refer to or use as a resource elsewhere, but not really for my personal use.

Too complex in general. There were simply too many rules to remember and I wasn’t going to constantly go back to the file with all those rules to check that I was sticking to every single one. I did initially, but as time went on it started to get out of hand, became too overwhelming and unmanageable. In hindsight, I don’t think I broke out of those no-buy rules too much, at least I can’t recall any major incidents of buying something I really shouldn’t have, which goes to show that writing all of that down was excessive.

The consequence/reward system. It’s great in theory and I’m not about to argue with the behavioural psychology underpinning it. However, I lacked adequate means of tracking how successful I was with sticking to my own rules during a month (once again, memory is not a reliable tool for these things, especially as there were some grey areas). On top of this, whilst my consequence was clearly laid out, my reward was very vague and since it didn’t feel like anything different from what I would’ve done anyway, the motivating factor was lost. I’m not sure yet whether I’ll try to reinstate this in any form - I might as there is another goal that I could tag along with this. We’ll see.

The Neutral Stuff

In-person shopping rules. I can’t say that I followed those every single time I shopped, especially with regards to waiting/going around a shop once before committing. At the same time, as someone who remembers better once they write something down, knowing that this was something I should be mindful of, I did find myself going out into in-person shopping a little bit more prepared. At the event in Germany I used vlogging as an excuse to do one round without buying and then started my shopping. After that, when shopping out and about in Manchester, I usually had a list of things I wanted to get. Whenever I go into a charity shop, even when I stumble into one, I tend to make an intention of what I am going to look for before going in. All in all, not entirely a success as I’d initially outlined it, but resulted in good habits to try to keep up with.

Coping strategies. Or not so much the coping strategies themselves as much as recognising and naming when I am most likely to window shop and why. Again, my track record here wasn’t 100% perfect, but there were positive changes here. I hardly ever window shopped after 10pm, which is the bedtime set on my phone after which it restricts most apps. I tried to first identify the emotions that were pushing me towards window shopping to see if I could resolve them differently. And when I succumbed to window shopping regardless, at least I had that internal voice reminding me that I’m not seeking a thing, I am seeking comfort/entertainment/validation/whatever, which led to me being extra careful and making sure that I do put things on a waiting list first before clicking ‘buy’. Just generally being more mindful of my emotions and understanding why I’m window shopping has been wonderful and I can’t recommend that level of introspection enough.

Spray Bottle channel. I’ve not used it as much as I thought I would, which is both a shame and a testament to the fact that I was doing pretty well and didn’t need it so much. But when I did use it, it was incredibly effective. Very often I am all too aware that I’m acting on impulse or doing something I shouldn’t (so feeling guilt before I even do the thing), but my own voice alone is not enough to convince me to stop. At times like that I know that I need to hear the same message from a different voice, which that Discord channel offered. And with another voice comes a level of accountability - now succumbing to temptation comes with not just guilt, but also a sense that I may have disappointed those who were rooting for me. Despite the channel name, the main rule there is that of compassion, so no chastising people when they give in, offering them kindness and encouragement instead. But it still feels nicer to know that you haven’t disappointed anyone in the first place.

Conclusion

Looking at how that last quarter of 2022 went, I don’t think that the no-buy rules were what kept me from impulse buying or overspending. It feels more accurate to say that those rules are a written version of the sort of decision making process that I go through anyway and that guide my purchasing habits anyway. It’s not that I needed them to not give in to impulse buys because impulse spending isn’t a massive problem for me. Instead writing them down was a culmination of the wardrobe overhauling journey and figuring out my style within lolita fashion. Because every area where I’ve done well in has been within lolita (where I now have clarity of what I want) and the minor “treat yourself” purchases, whereas every area where I could improve in was mainly with non-lolita clothing and home decor where I still need to figure some things out. Once I nail those down, I’m sure that my purchasing habits will improve. And in the meantime I’m going to leave that no-buy rules document be. I can trust myself to do the financially responsible thing, armed with the understanding of where so much preventative work on my part comes from, and enjoy life without making spending control a new thing for me to obsess over. I am very proud of myself for that admission alone, so let’s close this chapter on that.