Time for a No Buy?

The concept of a no buy is as familiar to lolitas (at least in theory) as the concept of a haul. Through individual or wider circumstances we find ourselves in a position where maintaining the level of spending that we have had up until then is no longer possible. We are looking at some bleak times ahead economically, which may seem to be hitting extra hard because we have the added layer of living in post-traumatic times of maximalism.

I’m with you there - I was so looking forward to having more spending money when I started a new role and now I’m feeling pretty gloomy realising how much of that will be eaten by the cost of simply existing. My vision was to be That Girl: the one who buys more expensive things as an investment in quality and sustainability, who supports local businesses on a regular basis whilst indulging herself, who (once the world allows) jet sets to places not yet visited to expand her horizons, who takes care of her physical and mental health more. Not that this will be entirely impossible, but the anxiety of having to afford to live as I have up until now (i.e. entirely independently) is a lot and it pushes all those other things into the background.

Image by maitree rimthong on Pexels.com.

What an optimistic start to a post, I know. But as tougher times call for tougher measures, I have found myself having to get on that no buy bandwagon. Armed with the knowledge of what I am like, it was obvious that this couldn’t be just some vague “no buying outside my wish/need/replace list”. The rules needed to be as airtight as possible to prevent falling back onto convenient loopholes. And since my position is not unique and not everyone has enough understanding of both financial responsibility and behavioural psychology to create a no buy plan that will work for them, hopefully my sharing what I plan on doing will help others figure out how to prepare themselves for a Winter/Summer of Frugality (depending on which half of the globe you reside in).

The Overview

My idea of a sustainable set of no buy rules involves three main concepts: the rules themselves, the coping strategies, and consequences, all adhering to principles of specificity and accountability. Anyone considering going on a no buy will know why they should - but oftentimes our good intentions and motivations may not hold up to the power of temptation or be made to withstand unexpected circumstances. In the past people would just be told that they’re not trying hard enough, but not everyone finds that kind of harsh talk effective. Whilst I encourage everyone to really reflect on why they are embarking on a no buy, since digging deep for reasons will help you find strong enough solutions, I acknowledge that this degree of introspection can be upsetting sometimes. However deeply you’re prepared to look at your reasons, as long as you approach your set of no buy rules with honesty about what works for you, not what some random guide online says you should be doing, you’re giving yourself the best chance of succeeding.

The Rules

My set of rules is not necessarily long, but it is very explicit and very specific. It starts off with acknowledging that a complete and total no buy is not a sustainable option for me right now. It works for some people. For me this would just be a waiting game of what will it take for me to break. So instead of making a rule that I’m not allowed to buy anything, I categorised my non-essential spendings into three main groups (lolita clothes, other fashion, and miscellaneous consumables). Each of them has a clearly designated spending source, i.e. a pot of money dedicated for those things, and a timeframe of how long the rules are in place for. They also each include a list of what is allowed and when (i.e. immediately, after waiting, how long the waiting period should be etc.), how that applies to specific shopping circumstances (online vs in person), and whether there are any exceptions to these rules (wishlists, replacements, types of purchases etc.).

On top of this, I have devised two flow tests which apply to the vast majority of the purchases that I would expect to make. These aren’t novel ideas, the first one has been only slightly adapted from Money Saving Expert’s pocket guide, yet having them in this very visual format will really help with decision making. Feel free to download my copies and modify them to your needs, as I said, it’s not exactly copyrightable material anyway.

Flow test 1

Flow test 2 (click to enlarge)

With all of these rules in place, as explicit and specific as possible, I was able to establish a solid foundational framework. It captures the kind of shopper that I am and directs my focus to the type of person that I want to be/the kind of clothes that I want to wear. But just understanding what I want isn’t enough to actually realise that. What rules like these do is establish the vision that I want to live up to. I’m still only human, that vision can be shaken or even ruined by a single lapse or by circumstances that I fail to address appropriately instead of with retail therapy. This is where the other two concepts, of coping strategies and consequences, come in.

The Coping Strategies

Earlier on I mentioned behavioural science. It’s not a topic that I claim to be an expert on, but through personal growth that I’ve been undergoing over the course of this year anyway I picked up a thing or two. The key one that applies here is the idea of making desirable habits easier to do and the undesirable ones - harder. To use a simple example, if one’s goal is to eat less junk food, then getting rid of any junk food from your house makes it harder to eat junk food (since now it involves going out to get some). And if one’s goal is to drink more water, then having a water bottle next to you from the moment you wake up makes that easier by placing it within reach.

I’ve tried to adopt that kind of mindset to my list of coping strategies to make not buying things easier and giving in to temptations harder. At the time of writing I haven’t gone down some of the more radical steps like unfollowing the various sources of lolita updates on social media. Instead I’ve opted for approaches that recognise that fashion is something that I enjoy and want to engage in, just in a more limited way: disabling pictures in emails, limiting when I am allowed to browse sales sites (both second hand and brand new), and using browser extensions that limit access to certain sites are the main ones for now.

In addition, I have identified some situations when I am more likely to window and impulse shop. Once again, specificity is key, which for me means no browsing after 10pm and absolutely no window shopping when I am stressed. Boredom and self-medicating through retail therapy are probably way too common for a lot of us, so by making those situations off limits and finding other ways to entertain myself or relax should ensure that I avoid falling into the old traps.

The Accountability Factor

Last but certainly not least, having a set of rules and coping strategies is not going to work for me if there is no accountability factor in that. This may be something that others find very relatable, as ultimately a lot of us stick to rules better when we feel like it’s not just us who know about them. Of course, you can go full on accountability buddy with a spray bottle if this is realistic for you (I imagine that would work great with someone you live with since they will physically and pretty immediately see you buy/receive stuff), but it doesn’t have to be that much. Over the years I’ve found that I respond well just to things being written down, so spreadsheets formed to be trackers are often enough for me, and for this set of no buy rules I have expanded my set of trackers to include more information.

But accountability isn’t just about being watched - it’s also about having a real set of consequences. If nothing happens when I break the no buy, then sooner or later it stops feeling like it matters and old bad habits creep back in. At the same time, not spending isn’t really motivation enough in itself (not unless you’re saving for something specific, which I am not, my goal is to limit my spending overall), so a reward system would equally go a long way to help me stick with this. My solution was to put two additional strategies, a ‘punishment’ for breaking the no buy and a ‘reward’ for successfully sticking to it each month. This is on top of finding a safe outlet to discuss my feelings about this no buy with a group of people who I can trust to support me in this endeavour - because sometimes just hearing someone else say that you’re doing well or that they believe in you is enough to make you want to not disappoint them.

Rewarding god behaviours is how you keep good behaviours.
Also, I just wanted to include this cute pupperinho.
Photo by Cup of Couple on Pexels.com.

In Summary

For the time being these no buy rules are being put in place until the end of this calendar year. There will be enough spending temptations during that time to test how well they are working and at the same time it’s a short enough period of time that if I do slip up somewhere, I can hopefully review it quickly enough and make amendments to start from the new year, a historically more common time for implementing changes. Also, by starting this no buy now it not only should become a firm habit by the time the ‘New Year New Me’ season rolls around, but it will also help alleviate the financial pressure of some of the most expensive times in the Northern Hemisphere (i.e. winter and Christmas).

All throughout this post I’ve been talking about my no buy rules in mostly broad, generic terms in order to give ideas that could work for anyone. However, if anyone is interested in seeing the actual list of rules that I have devised for myself, then I made the Google Doc available to view through this link here. Just like with the flow tests earlier, feel free to copy the ideas that you think could work for you, these are not in any way copyrighted and a few have been pinched from suggestions made by others anyway. All of us who are in hobbies and communities like lolita fashion are in it because, ultimately, we enjoy buying clothes as well as wearing them, so having a set of mechanisms to control our spending without going cold turkey is a gentler way to engage with this hobby in a more financially responsible way. Best of luck to everyone else out there who is also starting a no buy - we can do it!