Fruits of Our Labour

For September the Bibliotheca bloggers have picked a monthly theme of Fruits of Fall. And I toyed with ideas of talking about some actual fruit (you know ya girl loves apples), doing some fruit-inspired coords (there are actually more autumnal fruit than just apples), even looking up the fantastically OTT headpieces featuring fruit that one could purchase for their next coord.

Instead I got in a more reflective mood. The late summer/early autumn season that September falls into is one of harvest. But there is no harvest without planting and cultivating, in other words: without the hard work. So interpreting the Fruits of Fall theme to mean the fruits of one’s labour, as well as embracing the mood of gratitude and appreciation that this should bring, let’s focus instead on some of the fruits of one’s labour that a J-fashionista (in here specifically a lolita) might reap. In the constant search for the next thing, the next purchase, the next coord, it can be easy to forget to stop and look at how far we’ve come. This one goes out to all the lolitas who have been at it for a couple of years already who need a reminder to stop comparing themselves to those who have been at it for longer.

Photo by Tijana Drndarski on Pexels.com

The Fruits of Self-Understanding

Some people manage to jump into lolita or any other alt fashion with a solid understanding of what they want to look like and have everything work out in a way that means they like that look on themselves. But most of us go through phases of trial and error, of yearning after one thing only to realise that it’s something else entirely that makes us feel our best. Or experimenting with one thing that we got for a specific theme to find out that we really dig it. Getting to that stage where you understand yourself, what makes you feel good (which cuts, colours, patterns etc.) and what you want out of your clothes, is an achievement that we don’t often stop to celebrate. When I started in lolita, I thought that circus themes and ponies would be a much bigger part of my style than they ended up being. Through paying attention to everything else that I’d been gravitating towards I learnt that my niche was more within the realm of broadly categorised retro. Later this was narrowed down even further when I hit a slump with my style and really needed to consciously think about what lit up that spark of joy, separately in sweet and classic. Reaping the rewards of finally knowing what your style is comes in both savings (as you stop buying things that don’t fit you and your vibe) and in emotional peace (wearing things you love and that make you feel good is always an instant serotonin boost). Well done if you found yours and don’t worry if you haven’t – maybe the seed has already been planted and you just need to wait for it to break through the soil.

This coord from April is still one of my favourites from this year so far no least because it is so quintessentially me that it downright felt like cheating with how easy it was to assemble and then wear.

The Fruits of Patience

On the flipside, the most obvious and common kind of reward that we reap is that of patience. Whether it’s patience in stalking sales for that one item you love, patience in saving up for a purchase, patience when browsing social media and reminding yourself that no-one’s wardrobe was built in a day to help you stay on track – all of those and more will have been worth it. In a way, patience is an incredible achievement in its own right. Living in a fast paced world, where so many things are available to us in an instant, not everyone has learnt how to be patient and trying to join a luxury hobby like lolita can feel like hitting a brick wall at full speed. Every time you manage to stay on track is a win that will yield fruit later. The years waiting for a dream dress melt away once you finally get your paws on it – I know because several of mine took literal years to find. And especially once you’ve built up a wardrobe large enough to offer you some variety, make sure to stop and look at it, remember the frustration at the beginning when all you had was one item and a lot of yearning, whereas now you can create multiple coords with what you have. This didn’t happen overnight. That took patience and you did it. I am proud of you.

This is one of those dresses that took something like 5+ years to find. And then on top of that I had to be paient whilst it was getting altered. Every coord with it is a celebration of what my patience led to and this coord from summer ILD 2023 is no exception.

The Fruits of Experience

With patience, time, and practice comes experience. Back when I was doing the Advanced Coordinating series, I would so often see comments to the extent of “I’ve been in lolita for X years now, but I still feel like a newbie/still don’t know how to make my coords look not-like-a-newbie’s”. Impostor syndrome is quite prevalent and often so loud that it overshadows the simple fact that we do have experience and can do more than we could at the very beginning. Even those lucky ones who get a good start in lolita thanks to how much more easily available it is now will notice the difference between their very first outfit and the one they did several years later after consistently coordinating outfits. If you don’t believe me, just pull up a few of your old pictures and compare them to some of the newer ones. Instead of giving space to doubts or putting down the skills you acquired with experience, why not appreciate the ideas that you were able to realise already that once seemed impossible? We’ve all had them: the coord idea that would’ve been unattainable for our beginner selves that we then created and loved wearing. Or an idea so big and bold that it seems almost as if someone else created it rather than us. Or the outside-of-your-comfort-zone dress that you acquired nonetheless and enjoy wearing and coordinating, which would’ve intimidated the heck out of your babylita self. You don’t need the Lolita Level Up Quiz to know that you’ve improved. It’s ok to carry on having goals to reach for, just don’t forget that where you are right now is where your past self once wanted to get and celebrate that.

I miss doing these for the Around Your Wardrobe in 30 Coordinates challenge posts. Collages like this are a great way to see at a glance just how much experience you've gained and how much your coordinating skills have improved.

The Fruits of Love

Last and certainly not least, the things we do within lolita and other alternative fashion are all a product of love that we have for these styles. You can always tell when someone’s heart isn’t in it: it manifests in how they talk about the fashion, what they value about it, and often even in how they choose to wear it. We stand proudly in the face of judgement from the mainstream because we love these wacky clothes and how we look in them. We dedicate our time and efforts into crafting things or hunting for the precise shade of blue that we need because it will complete our vision and make our hearts dance with joy. It is precisely because of our love for lolita fashion that we have stuck with it once TikTok’s algorithm has moved on. It is the love for a print that keeps you coming back to it and to finding new ways to enjoy it whilst some in the community might already be turning towards the next release. It is often said that the secret ingredient in many dishes is love – the secret ingredient to building a wardrobe and life incorporating frilly clothes that you enjoy is also love. So sit back and let your heart be filled with it.

My wardrobe looks physically quite different now, but I will never forget the feeling of joy when I finally moved out of my parents' place and was able to fill that wardrobe with my frills. I took the day to iron everything and hang it carefully, and it was almost meditative how much that exercise of love was.

Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the optimism and the joy now that you reached the end of this post? I sincerely hope so. My goal was to inspire not just reflection, but positive reflection, appreciation of how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved so far, wherever you may be in your lolita journey. The UK is doing me dirty with a last burst of summery weather whilst my entire soul craves being cosy and autumnal, but at least in contemplating the fruits of fall and the fruits of all the time, effort, money, and heart that I poured into this fashion I found a nugget of that cosy warmth within me.

Though fret not – if what you wanted was some actual Fruits of Fall, then no doubts one of the other Bibliotheca bloggers will come through for you. They are all amazing writers and always have something good for people, so go and sign up to the mailing list if you haven’t already!