Patience is a Virtue
A fair warning: this post may seem a little ranty.
It is not aimed at giving advice, if anything the intent is more of a commentary
on things I’ve observed in the lolita community.
If you were to compare a lolita who started their journey in
the fashion six months ago with one who has been actively participating for six
years, what would you notice? First would probably be a difference in quality
of their coords – very few newbies, if any, achieve the level of depth and
detail of experienced lolitas. Then you’d probably notice a difference in
attitudes, of which lack of patience is one of the common traits amongst newer
lolitas.
Now, this is very much a product of the times we live in.
Even if we take a newbie lolita who’s 18 years old – they were still born in
the year 2000. With few exceptions, like countries that are now catching up in
terms of technological and infrastructural development, they would have been brought up with internet being
common part of your house equipment, at times of fast foods and fast fashion.
But from the point of view of someone like me, who had to find things out on
their own (once I learnt to read my parents even stopped answering the “What
does word X mean?” questions, pointing at a dictionary instead), this is both puzzling
and frustrating.
Puzzling because as people who have grown up with Google
(created in 1998) I would expect newbies to be much better at researching the
fashion for themselves before asking the typical, searchable questions you all
know. After all, whatever question you might type into Google’s search bar,
chances are it’s already been asked before multiple times, even the weird ones that you see in
memes (“I hate it when Hitler steals my Nutella” anyone?) or the depressingly sad ones (“Why am I alone?”).
Frustrating because in a niche community whenever someone
does display this lack of patience, it sticks out like a sore thumb and it
feels like it’s happening disproportionately often. In reality it isn’t. It’s
just that three people asking the same question over three weeks on a platform
of 13 thousand members feels like much more than on a platform of 1.3 million. That’s 0.02% and 0.0002% of the platform’s user population
respectively and in smaller communities like lolita there’s simply no room to
hide.
What annoys lolitas with more experience under their belt
about the impatience of newbies is that many of them remember their own
beginnings and know how much easier it is to join the fashion in 2018 than it
was in 2008. What’s more, they also know that they didn’t create their
wardrobes overnight. Posts such as “I can’t wait to wear the fashion” and “OMG,
I want SO many dresses, but can’t afford them, how do you guys do it?!” and “I
know I don’t have a full coord yet, I just couldn’t wait to wear out this dress” and “I want this print for the next tea party, but it’s no longer
in stock, where can I get it?” etc. all fail to acknowledge the time commitment
that all lolitas have put in at some point. This is not fast fashion, so a new
release will take months to be produced (possibly years once you account for
the designing time). Very few of us are rich and our collections were built
over years of careful spending and tracking down second hand sales, as well as
anxious checking of tracking updates because even EMS postage isn’t Amazon Prime’s
next day delivery. We all tried on the clothes as soon as we received them, but
we don’t usually go out in them unless we can put together at least a simple,
cohesive coord.
And most importantly – the time we couldn’t spend on wearing
or buying the fashion we dedicated to finding out more about it, to learning
and trying to start off as we mean to go on. Or at least not far from it.
The fashion isn't going anywhere, whatever clickbait articles might tell you. Slow down, appreciate where you are now and enjoy the journey. |
Dear lolita newbies! Patience is a virtue. Moreover, lolita
fashion is about quality, which costs both time and money. We want you to be
able to enjoy the fashion and be a part of it – learning to curb your enthusiasm a
little in order to wait will be a valuable skill. While you wait to accumulate
enough savings, while you wait for your order to arrive, while you search for
complimenting pieces for your coord, while you research more about the fashion
so that you can be better sooner.
Dear experienced lolitas! We are not excluded from
displaying patience. As frustrating as it may be to see a person after person
ask the same basic question – you are not obliged to answer. Unless you
are a mod/admin/mentor of that community, you can literally scroll past and
ignore it. Unless you know that you can answer that question patiently and be
helpful, instead of sounding frustrated and sarky, just move on. This will be
kinder both for the newbie and for your own mental health.
Remember all: patience is a virtue.
Remember all: patience is a virtue.
I think it can be frustating for some newbies to see other newbies having a clothes filled with pink brandnew AP in 6 months. Where I have build my wadrobe for years and isn't anywhere that completion. But when I reminds myself that I am like majority that doesn't have a family or friends that buy those things for Christmas or I am a spoiled 16 year old with understanding parents. Also if people complete their wadrobe so fast? What else is left to do?
ReplyDeleteI am definely not in the rich end, in which might shows on my wadrobe. But I have the patience to look for a pair of socks for 4 years and when they finally showed up, they had more with them, than I dreamed about when I start searching. So even with small things, patience paid off.
Oh my gosh, tell me about it! Whilst I get that some people can just afford to buy a full Angelic Pretty set as their first coord and then keep buying new releases (or have supportive and wealthy enough families to buy those for them), it seems a little bit excessive. Like you said, if you build it so fast, you might be at a loss as to what to do next. Hopefully those people then find excuses to wear their clothes out, but I feel like this is another way of treating lolita like fast fashion and by getting into it too quick, you will then get bored and get out of it just as quick.
DeleteI don't know about you, but I kind of enjoy looking and waiting for the specific pieces. When I still had set dresses I was after, I enjoyed checking the auctions for them and I feel like by having to wait, be patient and keep stalking the sales even though most of the times I was met with disappointment made me appreciate what I have more. It's also psychologically proven that you're more attached to things you put more effort into getting. That's why I absolutely cherish pieces like my Fantasy Theater JSK because the months of saving up, trying to be frugal where I could paid off and the memory of what an utter joy it was to be able to buy it is still really strong with me. Whereas some pieces, like for example the Unicorn and Friends JSK I had from Bodyline - there was no effort there, as well as no real love and much less of a financial commitment, so I had an easier time parting with it and hopefully its new owner appreciates it more.