Missing Out on Lolita
Buying Lolita can often feel like a
race against time, be it during a new release that may sell out in minutes or
when buying second hand and trying to be faster than others with placing that
bid or sending that message. Sometimes it works, but unfortunately a lot of the
times we end up unsuccessful.
This weekend just gone was quite
unlucky for me in that I missed out not on one, but on two dresses which I
quite wanted. One I totally did not expect to be gone this quickly, I must’ve
missed out by no more than an hour or so, but the other I knew I had very slim
chances of getting since it was a popular print for a very low price and it was
listed on Fril – the time difference alone in communicating with any shopping
service put me at a disadvantage.
In times like these it can be
extremely tempting and easy to try to comfort yourself with a bit of retail
therapy and shop your disappointments away. However, that is a dangerous path
that leads to impulse buying and spending money you really should’ve kept or
purchasing items which you really don’t need. It’s difficult to resist that
temptation, so let me share with you how I dealt with the impulse to comfort
myself by buying other Lolita things.
1. Stay away from other Lolita sales
You may be thinking to yourself that
this dress you missed out on will be listed somewhere else and set out to look
for it. But by doing that you put yourself in a vulnerable position, open to
other temptations which you may not predict – after all, you never expected to
spot that ¥4000 dress, which is very much within your budget and so cute, even
if you never thought you’d want it. Or a different dream dress you forgot about
for a while – even if it is kind of overpriced and not in your first choice of
colour or cut. You may like them in that moment, but will you still enjoy them
as much in a day or two? Stay away from other temptations for a few hours or
even days, until you’re sure that you’re over the disappointment of not getting
that piece which slipped away – then your mind will be clear enough to make
other shopping decisions. Avoiding unboxing videos on YouTube may be a good
idea too, you won’t have any unexpected envy of people enjoying getting things
in the post.
2. Plan something
It can be anything: a coord for an
upcoming or theoretical event; a meet that you will or would like to host; your
next birthday party; a trip somewhere nice; that story that you always wanted
to write… Literally anything will do, although anything Lolita-related may feel
that little bit more helpful. This will make you focus on what you already have
(especially true with planning coords) and the things you can make, making you
feel like you’re in control again. Part of our disappointment about missing out
on purchases comes from things that we couldn’t control, like someone else
seeing that listing and messaging before we could – by planning something, you
regain the feeling of being in control over things that happen in your life and
soon enough you’ll be able to tell yourself that you’ll get that dress next
time.
3. Have some “me” time
Instead of focusing on possessions
and thinking that it’s things that make you happy, take a little time out for
yourself when you’re not focused on getting more things. Do your nails, lie
down with a facemask on, have a relaxing bath, listen to your favourite song on
your headphones, light a fragranced candle, doodle for a bit – do whatever
makes you happy that is all about you enjoying that moment. It’s ok to be disappointed
and sad that you didn’t get something you really wanted, but your world and
wellbeing rest on so many more things than just this, so cheer yourself up by
dedicating a little time just to yourself. This should hopefully provide a
little perspective on what really matters, thus saving yourself from attempting
to cure your disappointment through impulse buying.
4. Distract yourself
An almost universal solution for any
negative emotions, a little escapism has always been helping us cope with
things that didn’t go quite as we wanted them to. Again, the choice of escapism
medium is entirely up to you: books, films, TV, games, magazines, socialising,
whatever is the quickest way for you to forget about something. Although again,
maybe wait a bit longer before putting on those Lolita unboxing and haul videos
on YouTube – the point is to stop thinking about buying things completely, not
to keep sighing over other people getting the stuff they wanted whilst you
missed out.
5. Talk to someone
A fellow Lolita will understand your
feelings best as they very likely went through the same thing at some point,
but anyone you trust and who knows that Lolita fashion is something you love
will be able to offer some comfort and understanding. You can post something on
your comm’s Facebook group to share your stories of missing out on things or
phone your best friend, who will quickly get the conversation onto something
else. An understanding parent or partner will do the same for you. All those
close to you care about your happiness, so they will make sure to sympathise in
that situation and will do what they can to help alleviate it at least a
little.
6. Buy things – for other people
Finally, if you still can’t scratch
that itchy wallet and absolutely have to buy something, I suggest focusing on presents for your close ones. With
Christmas lurking around the corner, now is a great time to spread your
Christmas spending a little and get that present for your mum/friend/partner
sorted. The point of presents is to make others happy and I’m sure that
browsing through and thinking about what that other person might love, what
could bring a smile to their face, will distract you from your own worries. It
may not be the best time to look for Secret Santa presents for your comm’s Christmas
meet, although I leave that judgement up to you – only you know how strong your
will is and whether you really would be able to resist the temptation of
getting something for yourself.
I have actually employed every
single one of these tactics over the weekend, with the results being pretty
fast and solid. It also meant that I got a little kick of productivity, since I
got my Dad’s Christmas present sorted and have completed some games for the
meet that I’m organising this coming weekend – and being productive makes me
feel good about myself, pushing any disappointments away.
How do you cope with missing out on
purchases you really wanted? Is there anything that I should add to this list?
Let me know in the comments, please, and I hope that you don’t/won’t have to
employ these too often.
What was the print you did miss to buy? Just curious. In weekend I was busy buying books at a booksfair and silverware at another. Secondly I need to find sone money to send a blouse back to Lady Sloth and get some new pants, since the old decided to die. And without pants in winter is not a option.
ReplyDeleteThe print I missed out on was Sweet Cream House. Someone was selling it in the exact cut and colourway I wanted for just under 10'000 yen, but I knew that my chances of getting it quickly were very slim.
DeleteReally? How cold is winter where you are? I stopped wearing trousers altogether and so far I've been fine. I've worn a circle skirt with my massive petticoat on some colder days, that kept me very toasty indeed!
Not so cold, but very windy. But I think the unknown factor is the weather! Last year fell 60cm over Night, but it could be almostly no snow this winter as well.
DeleteOr 3-4 months of winther with frost and everything with it.
An, true, skirts are risky when it's windy (excuse to wear cute bloomers though? :P). So essentially you need to be prepared for every outcome, good luck with that!
DeleteBut bloomers does not keep the part between my knees and ancles warm.
DeleteAnd sadly my only knee high boots is auturm/spring season only.
But thights is something I could use more off. They do keep the heat very well under a pair of jeans.
Tights and leggins. In the past I've layered both of them under trousers, sometimes both at once if it was really cold. Layering is really the secret to staying warm, especially if investing in very thick, cold-winter specific items isn't particularly practical.
DeleteOh man D: I tried on an AP dress I really wanted, and when I found out it didn't fit I was so sad I ended up buying a 200$ purse (albeit needing a black lolita bag anyways) from btssb... Really could've used this post then!
ReplyDeleteI needed that post so many times before too! That's the problem with missing out on Lolita, most of the times you have to learn the hard way. Now I've learnt to control my impulse buying a bit more, but I know that the potential to go overboard is still in me.
Delete